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Colin's Adventures In Sheepland
Come back for more explicit, embarrasing details, have you? I won't disappoint. Now I will tell
you what an innocent Filipino chambermaid discovered under my bed at the Copthorne Lakeside
Hotel. A rotting, half-eaten piece of sushi. Those Japanese sure love their sushi. And they
sure love leaving some of Japanese culture behind...
We also discovered a plastic control under my father's bed, which turned out to be the control for the electric mattress. You turn it on and it heats the mattress. Remember that this is one of the closest cities to Antartica and it's as cold as than the Canadian Shield in winter. Of course, you won't find any igloos or sawmills in Queenstown, unlike in Winnipeg where they were everywhere.
Anyway, the hotel room had a nice view. Straight ahead was a nice mountain on the other side of Lake Wakatipu. On the extreme left was another wing of the hotel where a Korean guy would come out onto the balcony with his girlfriend, hold her hand, breathe into her hair, caress her hand gently, and complain about the breakfast. Unlike the above, I'm not exaggerating at all. You find weirdos, usually Honkys or Japanese, everywhere.
Did you notice that the last 2 paragraphs ended with "everywhere"? Yup, another fast fact to
enrich your life.
About to knock off, the Honkys walked and talked. Very loudly. Right outside the door. Do these assholes never sleep?? It was 1:15am and my mother was either asleep or suffering the tyranny of my father's snoring. (Was pretty hard to tell)
Once the damned Honkys moved off, peace at last you think. In your dreams! I had none that night, unless the noisy Japs that came minutes later were a dream, and I don't think they were. At least they walked off, sparing me the last half of the old woman's criticsm of the bad Japanese food downtown. You'd think it was sacrilege for a Caucasian to even look at sashimi the way the Japs talk about it. I hate Japanese. One, they invaded us, two, everytime I go to the USA, I get mistaken for one. How weird is it you ask? Well we were touring this decommisioned WW2 submarine and some of the veterans were there to answer questions. As I walked by, happy cause it had sunk 2 or 3 Japanese ships in the war, the Yank said something in Japanese. I wanted to yell "My grandpa fought on YOUR side you Yankee idiot" but I settled for him saying "You're not Japanese? Sorry." Also, there were lots of heavy metal objects in the room, and the American hospitals are seriously screwed up.
Somehow, I didn't have that problem in Vancouver. Even the locals thought
we were immigrants. I still took the precaution of borrowing my cousin's Canucks jersey and ventured
into the sushi bar next to the hotel. But apparently, Japanese can't tell Japs from other
Asians. Even if they're wearing a hockey jersey. How'd you like the waiter to jabber in a language
you don't understand while you're trying to eat california rolls? The food was very good, but we
got the hell out of there as fast as we could.
Back to Sheepland. The next morning, I went up a cable car to "Skyline", and looked down on
everyone. The stupid peasants. Little do they know their happy days are over! It had been really
storming, so everything fun was closed except... well see the picture...
And what was this "Fun Time Centre" you ask? It was the biggest disappointment of my life. It was
a hole in the wall with 2 Daytona Rally machines and a row of 3 pinball games. At least they
could have had good games but noooo, Daytona Rally, World Cup Pinball and Addams Family Pinball
qualifies as a "Fun Time Centre"!! What if, like the receptionist at the cable car station, I
was desperate for sex (and premenstrual, but I happen to be male, so... well...)? Where the hell would I go huh?
Get a load of the 'diagram' at the observation deck. I learned the name of the lake here. None of
the locals would tell me. Seems like it was more or less classified information. If terrorists
found out the name of the lake they might poison all the ducks.
End part 2.